Slight flu/cold right now. Not using that as an excuse for anything, but just letting you know that I'm not feeling 100%... so perhaps my writing is not 100%. Not that that's ever stopped me before. Oh yeah, feeling the heat of sickness now urgkkkk.

Been playing more Left 4 Dead, having now gone through all four missions (or movies). I can see the good (graphics, zombie-animatronics) and bad things (same maps, few items and weapons) about the game, but it will be the multiplayer experience that makes or breaks it as a lasting thing. So far, I think the multiplayer can be very much likened to Counter-strike in that the players play on one of two teams whose aim is to kill the other. The twist is that the mission of the protagonists (the humans) is to reach the other side of the map alive. Oh, and that the antagonists (the infected) respawn.

Fallout 3 is still on my games radar. I came across this excellent review of it: Fallout 3 review [nma-fallout.com] which, for me and I'm sure as for many others [shamusyoung.com] speaks of both the highs and lows and what's worth taking from this thing people want to call Fallout but isn't really.

Whew! I'm sure you're tired of me talking about games. Uhm... my wrist has healed up, and only gives me a slight ouch now. I bought a new coat which, in hindsight, is perhaps a little too effeminate. It certainly is not much protection against this decidely wintry weather. Work? Is much the same.

Oooh it's only 10:30, there may be a chance I'll go to bed before 1 AM! A slight chance, given my procrastination skills, madz they be. Oh echinacea, my sour friend!

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With the new computer I've also done a bit of re-arranging of my apartment, getting things done that I've been putting off for months. Funny, I wrote that sentence and can't for the life of me remember where I was going with it. Sure, sometimes there are things I recall that I wish I wouldn't. I suppose any thoughts on controlling these are futile.

Has anything happened? No. My fridge was fixed, but not until most of the food inside transformed into non-food material. I bought the pre-release of Left 4 Dead which I have to say looks fantastic and plays even more so. I tend to rave in a meaningless manner about games I really think are neat, but believe you me, Left 4 Dead is impressive. My only grief is that there's not much to it -- run, shoot, survive. But it's so very well done, with shockingly good zombie animation. Oh man, when a horde of those suckers come running at you, it's the thrill of seeing one's first fast zombie all over again.

Oh right now I remember -- I wanted to mention that I threw out my beloved Microsoft ergonomic keyboard, one of those early white models with soft keys. A ginger ale related incident disabled the functioning of many of the keys, rendering it pretty useless. Not even sure why I kept it. Unfortunately, it wasn't until after throwing it out that I came across an article describing how to make use of the old keys -- turn them into thumbtacks!

My efforts, such as they are, to wake up earlier for work have been, shall we say, a total failure. As in, I wake up even later than planned, feeling less rested and peaceful. Perhaps I am still adjusting to daylight savings, that troublesome beast.

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I had actually planned to spend a month or two watching (or trying to watch) a movie a day, but of course like most things I think might be fun to try, it never happened. Still, I did make some time on the weekend to watch The Deer Hunter. I liked it. I read that Christopher Walken went on a diet of rice, bananas and water to get as pale as he did. I did find the first act somewhat long to sit through, but then I can be impatient with weddings if I can't take part in the festivities. I suppose you could call The Deer Hunter a war movie, but in three acts it shows the before, the during and the after, and manages to transform the viewer as even we witness the characters transform, hollowed out by the trial of war. I found myself worrying about life and death all over again, that old bonnet of going away, the long goodbye to nowhere and nothing and life is nothing but a temporary illusion and when I go it is gone.

Yes, I have been playing some more Fallout 3, but haven't these past couple days. Well, my gaming has turned to Team Fortress 2 again. It's just exhilarating to be part of a team, to work as one. Conversely, it's incredibly tiring and frustrating to be with a group of aimless fools, each interested only in killing and not the objectives. Such a rabble cannot stand against a force united.

My fridge has stopped again! Wait.. hmm.. yup, it seems dead. I've had problems with it before, but I think it may be kaput now. And guess who recently went grocery shopping?? I've actually thought about not using my fridge anyway, and instead maybe have a cooler with ice or something like. Really, the only thing I like is cold juice and water. I can do without the other stuff, especially since I prefer eating out anyway, fridge or no.

Oh yeah, WHOO GO OBAMA! That is like, wow man, that's super cool. On the other hand, I think it would be funny to have had Sarah Palin in office -- non-stop entertainment, of the shaking-head variety. But nay, things are so much brighter with Obama as President. This is like one of the first positive things I can feel about the US since.. well, for a very long time. Exciting!

Also nice, the weather. Seriously lovely. I mean, yes, global warming and all that, but one can still enjoy the warmth while one can.

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2008/11/20 Hwan Damn! Everytime I read these I believe I must be on drugs. Or have brain damage. Maybe a little of column A, a little of column B.
2008/10/30 tomer ug. I've got Fallout 3 for the ps3 but have not tried it yet. I was hoping it would be better. Did get a lunch box, bottle opener and bobble head with it though. You know what every brand spanking new computer needs?... LAN PARTY!! Let me know if you want me to host one at the condo. I've actually got tables now. We could do Rock band 2 as well.
2008/10/21 Loopy The Loopy Initiative
2008/10/21 Dangerman The WWF for habitat conservation Unicef and OXFAM The Toronto Library
2008/10/14 Michelle The good news is our conservative is still more liberal the U.S. Democrats. "conservative" seems to be a sliding scale around the world. Anyways, my running theory is that Canadians vote this way because the electoral system is riding-based and Canadians dig the status quo - esp when emotions like fear come into play. I saw a poll years ago where the environment was on more than 50% of Canadians minds when thinking of political issues, now its the economy - everyone is afraid and they are just afraid of the unknown: i.e. someone who will fuck things up even more than they are. Its really unfortunate that the NDP doesn't have a lot of great candidates in the rest of S.Ontario, as well.
2008/10/13 Loopy "Also, I find myself playing with it at the wee hours of the morning...." HWAN! Please! Children might be reading this!
2008/08/27 beginner You aren't supposed to tell yourself anything. When you do that, you set yourself for the expectation of "it will pass", and expectations are just another form of craving, albeit very subtle. Unknowingly you set yourself up for some kind of hope that relief will come in the future, and "hope", unless understood correctly, will blindsind you back into suffering, and you won't even know. You aren't supposed to "condition" yourself to respond in any way, that's actually the exact thing vipassana teaches you to stop doing. What you describe ("suppressing the typical emotional response") sounds more like a way to stifle aversion/craving through deceiving yourself into seeming indifference. So aversion/craving is still there, you are just playing a cruel joke on yourself pretending to will your pain away. Also, I found I would have a huge amount of reaction in my body in response to mental content. Insane. You'd think it's only perspiration or faster breathing, but no, "nothing doing", it's a LOT more than that. Mostly my untrained mind handled it all poorly. But I did manage to have moments of presence where neither past nor future exists, you are only in that moment and you witness whatever sensation comes without trying to "do" anything with it. Interestingly enough, that would bring immediate relaxation and relief to the mind and body. I also made a surprise discovery in terms of theory of Vipassana as Goenka teaches it. It's the statement that we react with craving/aversion to BODY sensations only, NOT to any mind content. I tried to see it for myself, and I'm not completely sure yet, but looks like that's true. When somebody insults you, there are reactions in the stomach (second/third chackras because that's where anger and honor are handled), in the head (not brain, brain doesn't hurt), and a whole list of other aches and pains all over the body. And as they show up, instantly there is an aversion to them, you want them to stop, and you try to "do" something with them whatever that may be, suppress, alleviate, make them go away through some new mind content which will generate new sensations and reactions to them etc. This is why Goenka kept saying that craving and aversion multiply sankaras very fast. Coz it's a reaction to a reaction to a reaction. You are spinning wheels. So as I understand it, the trick is to learn to be still and to let pain/pleasure be. But you do need very sharp and persistent awareness to SEE FOR YOURSELF how it works in you.
2008/09/15 Angela Two Korean films. I'm sure that's the beginning of a joke I heard once.
2008/09/05 Michelle About 7. This is my 8th. Its a slow day.
2008/09/05 Loopy Wow... how many times DID you read it?